I remember sitting quietly amongst the chatter.

I remember the swing of my pink booted feet to the rhythm of my new uncle’s cackling accent. I kept my fingers busy by making boxes around the stray liquid that sloshed from his cup onto the bar, sometimes the stool, twice my leg.

I remember the talks in the kitchen between Momma, Poppa, and Auntie Eshe before we left; they fit like my old jean jacket – too small and too tight.

I remember the quick flash of victory in Auntie Eshe’s eyes when my Poppa pushed himself back from the table and left the decision to Momma.

I remember the sisters sitting opposite a table speaking without saying a word.

I first met Adam after the flight attendant

and the pilot

and the plump woman at baggage claim.

I remember being seen before I saw, the sound of Auntie Eshe always gave others eyes the advantage. The first time I stepped outside the airport, onto the proper Irish Isle, he was there filling the space, to greet us.

I remember his skin being as pale as the others around me. Another solider in the army of pale people invading my space. His smile was a bit crooked, but I remember the way he grabbed Auntie Eshe close to him and every part of her rung. I remember feeling everyone stare, the way I was. The way they had been when we walked through the crowds. I remember the smile on my face and the drop in my stomach as he looked at me.

” Aye – and you must be the famous niece. “

I remember the feel of his stubbled face as he scooped me from the sidewalk and up into his large arms. I remember having never been face to face with Auntie Eshe while not in her arms.

“Why she’s just as beautiful as you are Eshe, just like ya said.”

I remember never having touched skin so white and pale.
I remember thinking it would be cool to touch or maybe swallow me up.
I remember it being warm and being relieved it didn’t.

“Well welcome to Ireland wee one, I’m gonna take good care of the two of ya both.” – I remember that.

I remember the long days in Auntie Eshe’s office, as she interviewed the creatives.

I remember not really knowing what that word meant but liking when they paid me any attention at all.

I remember both hands on the clock touching twelve and Adam bursting into the office the way Auntie Eshe walked into groups of people.

I remember the way I learned to smile and leap into his arms.
I remember the way he learned to catch me.

I remember the first sausage roll Adam gave me during our walk around town. It was a salty warm secret much like our time at the bar.

I remember the rain, always raining. I remember the pink rain boots were snug on my feet, Adam could not properly convert sizes, so after three pair I lied and said I had room.

I remember being fascinated by rain and puddles and the green matter growing everywhere.

I remember sometimes people staring when I was with Adam, not like when Auntie Eshe rings and chimes when she moves. I remember my father saying she was loud without saying a word.I remember wanting to be like her, back home in the desert.

I remember not liking it so much when we were in Ireland.

” Ay wee one, don’t be scared aye. They’ll get used to you like they do you’re auntie. You’re just a different kind of beauty, same as her.” 

I remember the way Adam would hold my little hand tight in his big rough one while we crossed the narrow streets.

I remember thinking that I was safe if he wouldn’t let my hand go.

I remember the ocean, as if it would never end.

I remember Auntie Eshe laughing and smiling as the waves crashed.

I remember Adam’s thick accent as he whispered to me about Kelpie while Auntie Eshe gave offerings to Oshun.
“We must makes sure you’re auntie hairs dry or we’ve got a kelpie in our midsts”
I don’t remember Adam ever bringing any gold coins.

I remember never wanting to leave the rain

or the stale air of bar

or the laughter of the people who got used to me

or the green moss

or the safety of Adam

or the loud of Auntie Eshe

or the adventure of their love.

I remember falling in love with the Green Isle, the way Auntie Eshe fell in love with Adam and left us and the desert behind.
I remember going back to the sand and wishing I had been swallowed up.