Place yourself at the window seat of a bus in the middle of a tour of the Antrim coast, the wide sea before you and Scotland in the far distance; as you pass by the numerous glens and high cliffsides, your breath is taken away by the beautiful sights. That is what you see.

Meanwhile, in the background, you can hear the ceaseless chatter of a one Mr. Derek the Tour Bus Driver, dishing out an array of bad jokes and telling a number of Irish myths that can be somewhat difficult to follow, not because they go on forever, but because his lack of vowels (as well as my general disinterest).

Please, Mr. Derek, just shut yer trap and let me enjoy the gorgeous view!

“Whadaya call a woman that burns all her bills? A woman that burns all her bills? Bernadette! Ahhhh?”